Saturday, June 15, 2013

Model Employee: One Model Down and Who Can Stand the Heat?

I went on vacation so we are going to double up on recaps.  We start with Aspen feeling terrible that she blew her MVP event, and it throws everyone into a tizzy to study up on their Mandalay Bay history.  Jasmine, Shah and Johanna are all laughing with each other and they basically say they aren't worried about Brittney because she's a huge ditz.  They have fun at the pool until the afternoon where Kurt comes in with some regulation bikinis and tennis shoes.

There are two teams, and Brittney ends up on a team with all her faux enemies.  It's 104 degrees out, and the pool looks a hot mess.  The red team is Sonja, Johanna, Shannone and Aspen.  The blue team is Shah, Alexis, Britt and Jassmine.  Two MVPs will be picked from each team.  They have to set up 25 pool chairs, and put a towel on each chair properly, without running.  Because for reals, no running by the pool.  This is serious guys.

First up is Jassmine and Johanna against each other.  Now, it's becoming apparent that it's how you look doing these challenges and not how well you do.  Johanna doesn't quite this memo yet and just starts throwing chairs around in order to win.  It's sloppy and she looks unprofessional, or so the judges say.  I say whatever, the pool ends up looking that way in the end anyway.  Jassmine runs however, and of course that's a big no-no.

Next team up has to fill drink glasses and 10 minutes to bring them over to the judges.  Sonja and Shah are up to the challenge and Sonja is clearly the winner.  Brit and Shannone are up for the next challenge, which is getting ice into the ice buckets and getting "resort water" into the buckets.  What I don't understand is that Brit is running, and why the girls are taking the water with their hands to the buckets, when they should be bringing the buckets to the ice.  Maybe it was an unstated rule, but it seemed stupid to me.  Shannen wins, and the final challenge goes to Alexis and Aspen, cleaning up the pool of debris.  Aspen looks beautiful doing this, while Alexis looks like a wet rat and puts debris in her suit.  Gross.  Red team wins.

In the deliberation room, they are reminded of the prizes.  Patrick again reminds them of "how important" this is, as if a reality show is the best way to go about this.  Orbitz girl says someone is going home today, and shit gets real.

Before that though, Shah did a very good job at the Hoodie awards, and gets some praise.  Aspen gets the ax however, and is reminded that in the MVP events she's had, she hasn't stood out.  I think it was a little harsh, considering she was thrown into each situation, but it's up to the judges I guess.  The rest of the girls tell them to back their bags before each elimination now, because they are actually keeping the tradition of getting rid of people.

Orbitz girl brings up the dirty jobs challenge and how they need to follow the rules and NO RUNNING!!!  The MVPs end up being Alexis and Sonja, who get to be a spokesmodel at Cirque Du Soliel's Ka...well, a Gatekeeper/Usher anyway.  

Back at the suite they've gone to the extreme drama of removing Aspen's bed and leaving just her hat in it's place, like she's dead or something.  I'm sure she's fine guys, it's okay.  I really liked her too, but she was a little too good for this rinky-dink reality show.  I hope I see her in a big modeling contract soon just to show them.

MVP time!  They go to my favorite show on the strip, Ka.  They meet up with the house manager/creative director, who explains that they don't have ushers, but Gatekeepers.  They are in character as the town flirt and town historian, and both of them actually do a fantastic job.  I've seen the show millions of times, and they really jumped right into being the characters, so hats off to both of them.

The winning team gets to go to Minus 5 Ice Bar, where everything is made of ice.  It makes me wonder why they didn't go to Red Square, but I guess an Ice Bar is more light.  At the bar they talk about how scary the competition is getting, and how one mistake could send them home. 

Next Episode!

It's time for another pointless challenge that has nothing to do with being a model and everything to do with entertainment value of a reality show.

Shah and Jassmine talk shit about sending Johanna home at their personal pool in their room.  Shah (I think) says she's like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland...although she says Chester the cat and kills all her credibility with me.

More shit talking is happening inside with Brit.  Brit thinks that Johanna is bullying her.  Johanna goes off on how she'd have Nair in her shampoo if she was a bully, and says (awesomely) she needs to look up that word in the dictionary, write it out 10 times, and find another word basically.  She said it better, she's awesome. Brit tries to approach Shah but gets beat down quickly.

In the morning Kurt the butler comes in with one hundred thousand dollars in poker chips to remind of them of what they are fighting for, and to report to the bridal suite in an hour.  They come to the "premiere bridal suite" and meet Ronnie the bride.  She's getting married tomorrow, but right now she is jonesing for cupcakes.  Her fiance is a celebrity chef who stands for perfection.  I don't know who would bother marrying Gordon Ramsey, but whatevs.  These would be for her wedding tomorrow, theoretically.  We all know that isn't going to happen.  But basically they have to go and bake cupcakes for a Bridezilla who is marrying a celebrity chef, which wasn't even a thing like 5 years ago.

I did a little Googling, and her chef is a chef at Mandalay Bay and not really a celebrity at all.  Cute.

They get to the bakery and they are making the cupcakes from scratch and everything is in grams.  They tell them they are making a dozen of each kind of cupcakes, and Brit stops production to ask if he meant a bakers dozen.  I'm sorry, I don't think they are editing her just can't make this up.  A few of them team up, but Brit is left to her own devices, which are bad.  She has a breakdown and cries to Orbitz girl.  Johanna's dad was a chef, for 25 years, in case all the edits where she tells everyone doesn't sink in.

Brit throws around the bully word, but then becomes flippant about Johanna's feelings, like by getting her in trouble she has now won.  It's immature, but whatever makes her feel better about it I guess.  Johanna drops most of her cupcakes on the trek to the bridal suite and loses her cool, but I would too if they made me walk from the damn Shark Reef up to the rooms I'd be pissed too.  I'm not a model, but once I had to walk in heels that far, and I about shit a brick.  It's cobblestone, and not comfy.  It's harder than it looks.

Back at the house a fight breaks out with Brit about Shah and Johanna "bullying" her.  I think it's a hot word right now, and it's not something you can take lightly.  I think it has to get bad to get to bully, and this wasn't it.  This is a competition, things aren't going to be kittens and rainbows.

Back at the deliberation/elimination room, shit gets real.  Patrick gives us the speech, again, about how important this is, and you can see him dying inside behind his eyes.  They go after Brit, but it's Shah who breaks down this time because she feels she's being targeted.  She actual uses the word "cerebral" which shocks the hell out of me, and I had a lot more respect for her after this.  Patrick thinks they should be maybe judging based on things that happen inside the house.  In the end, it's Brit that goes home, and I think we all breathe a sigh of relief.  They put Johanna "on notice" and that is basically the most realistic thing that has happened the entire season.  Throw out the word Rape or Bully in a professional environment, it's basically guilty until proven innocent.  It's not always right, but it happens.

MVPs for the night are Jassmine and Alexis.  They get to rev up the crowd for an All American Rejects show at the pool.  The crowd is pretty lackluster for an AAR show.  Jassmine is having a hard time first up.  Alexis sees that this is harder than she thought, so she gives out free shirts and that wins them over.

Next week they get to direct their own commercials, so I guess everyone wins?

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