Saturday, June 12, 2010

You'd Have to Be a Local

(original blog date: September 17th, 2007)
Your friends are coming into town...and they say it's to visit you, but we all know full well that it's to see Vegas. After a nice talk at the airport, they exclaim "Let's go see the Strip!"
We all get stuck doing this from time to time. I try my hardest to see how amazing the casinos are through their eyes, but except for the Fountains of Bellagio, nothing wows me anymore. My friend's and I have talked about different ways to beat the boredom when escorting our guests down Las Vegas Boulevard, and have come up with some great ideas!
  • Play the ever-so-popular game "Tourist or Hooker?" Some woman of the night are obvious, some are tourists that have a secret desire to work in the sex industry. This also provides a great opportunity to just see how horribly the people dressed on the Strip are. Hardly anyone is dressed normally, it's either dressed to the nines or sporting day glow sportswear and fanny packs.
  • Walk around with an air of indignity about you, wearing dark glasses. When you pass the "PornSlappers" and they hand you a card, sigh. Take the card, autograph it, and hand it back to them. Wait and see how many tourists look to see if you are a celebrity. Make sure your writing can't be read, and make it one word.
  • Collect all the cards from a long line of PornSlappers and then stand at the end and try to hand them out. The look from the PornSlappers is priceless, and well worth the time it takes to collect all those cards.
  • Take your guests down the Strip loudly stating incorrect facts about different places. Watch to see if anyone starts to follow you, or even better, repeat the incorrect information. Some of my favorites are;
  1. The Excalibur will be shut down sometime in the next year because it's sinking into the ground.
  2. The Fountains of Bellagio cost $43 million dollars for every show.
  3. It's really Area 52 that you need to worry about.
  4. The government is completely run by Cirque Du Soleil. Actually….
  5. The Stratosphere is slowly leaning toward the southwest, and in 14 years it will actually be our own leaning Tower of Pisa.
These should keep you entertained while your guests are busy gambling or watching "Sirens of TI" because they "heard it was good."
Tourists.
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