Everyone loves this episode, because it's all that silly crap that they can't fit into a storyline at all. And yes, it happened last week, and yes, I'm late. It's fine.
Dustin is afraid of this episode more than the whole season, and we launch right into Naomi being the one who goes around naked all the time. This makes Dustin being upset at the whole "blue girl group" incident even more funny, because it apparently happened all the time, just without the blue.
It's "black penis" time with Leroy in the shower. Heather says it's called "Little Lee" and so apparently it's not that impressive.
Adam says that he likes to think that girl's don't poop, but Naomi proved him very wrong. She destroys the bathroom with her poop, and she gets lonely on the toilet, so Nany pulls up a chair and talks to her. Then there is gross talk with Dustin and Mike, where Dustin says that Heather doesn't poop, and if she did he'd be intrigued by the smell. Mike assures him it won't smell like roses, unless she's eating flowers.
After the break, we discuss Leroy's signature dance move, where he launches the girls up so he's riding their crotch. Then Nany discusses how she was the female predator in the house. She hooked up with Naomi, Heather, Adam...and apparently Mike after the show! Nany says Mike is a very good kisser. He's still single ladies!
Adam spews more bullshit about how he never thought that he and Nany would ever hook up. Despite saying so from day 1? Get your story straight, buddy. He puked right before he kissed Nany for the first time. Naomi says what we are all thinking "How did you not know he puked right before."
Kyle is Cooke's alter ego, that she apparently uses to hit on Nany. I guess eventually it works, because on the last night they hooked up. Everyone is obsessed with everyone else having sex, and it's pretty hilarious. They are a bunch of peeping toms, and then they go into the Vaseline debacle, where Leroy actually made it look like Cooke and her male pal used it. It's not really that funny. Mostly because everyone knows that you don't use Vaseline for that stuff. Also, Mike had a wet dream after the Nany/Heather hook up.
Because of Mike's adorable demenor, he got away with murder. All the girls fake a sex in the bathroom for him, and they make him a "topless" breakfast, which is hilarious because of course we have to cut to Dustin saying "Where was I for this topless breakfast?" Apparently Cooke threw herself on Mike several times and he never took the bait. Take that Dustin! Self Control is a thing!
GMLF- Get Mike Laid Foundation. Mike set out a list of requirements such as not having to make her breakfast the next morning. Adam apparently made it up and is very proud of it.
"Beat it" was the catchphrase of the house. You go to shake someone's hand, pull it away and say "Beat it, ____" you could fill it in with anything you want, like nerd or bitch or whatever. They also have a secret handshake that involves slapping Heather's ass.
Just an FYI, this feels like the most stupid blog post I've ever written. No fluidity whatsoever. If you are still reading, you are amazing.
Dustin moans during sex, while he's eating, nearly 24/7. Heather would say "oh baby" in a weird voice. Leroy thinks it sounds sexy...Nany agrees.
There was an embaressing moment during the filming of the opening sequence where Leroy had to push Cooke into the pool, and both her bra fillers popped out and were floating in the pool.
Mike is smarter than everyone else, and everyone hates it. He has to equate it to sex terms to get everyone to understand cataclysmic event. Naomi tried to use all the words, and did it badly. Naomi left him during a convo about hydrogenated oils. He ends it with "I sound like a nerd."
Leroy did all sorts of things to get girls to leave the house. Like fake an asma attack. Leroy also took clothes out of the dryer to put in his own. So Dustin froze his t-shirt.
Nany and Naomi fake a fight to get out of grocery shopping. Leroy fakes that Mike is trying to kill him. Cooke sleeps with a stuffed bunny. Dustin hides the bunny, along with someone named "Mars." Cooke goes apeshit. Nany kicked Cooke's soccer ball out the window...she got that back, but the bunny is still "at large" as Leroy says. Looks like they did show all the good bits.
Mike dressed up as Leroy for Halloween, Nany dressed up in a bull outfit for a dance off during the rodeo. The sheep wins, but Dustin has to show the sheep. They all went snowboarding, Leroy was really bad at it. Dustin thought he was hot shit until he smacked right into the camera guy. "I went in as a beginner and left as a pro." Dustin says.
Leroy has stank feet, and Mike is dared to kiss him. Blech. Mike has a weak stomach. Nany throws out some raw chicken, and the smell of it makes Mike throw up. It looks more like dry heaving to me, and all I'm saying is this makes him 100% hetero. He'd never make it as a gay man.
Nany loves Cheetos. So much. She's like me with Chipotle. When Nany was drunk she'd leave orange streaks everywhere.
Naomi was broke 2 days after payday, and would beg everyone for money until the next payday. Mike says she owes him around $600. Nany says $300, Leroy says 2 grand.
One day Nany and Naomi find a wad of cash in Leroy's wallet, and steals the money. Mike chases the girls to give back the money into the bathroom, then the door breaks. They mess with them for awhile, taking out the door-nob for the other side. They were in there for 20 minutes before they let them out.
Montage of them loving each other, and it's obvious that this was filmed before the reunion show. Most likely before the season even aired. They seemed to have changed so much since the airing of the show, and since Twitter has made things complicated in a lot of ways.
I'm thinking once a week I'll do a retrospective on each of the cast, a comparison of when I met them in January until now.
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