Thursday, May 5, 2011

Real World Recap: Dustin Hooks up with Cooke #RealWorld

Previously on Real World: Heather and Dustin broke up, Cooke likes Dustin, Namoi and Leroy are casually hooking up like one is want to do in the City of Sin.

We open with Mike and Leroy in their room and Mike is letting/making Leroy play something on the guitar.  Leroy plays a little ditty that is awesome, while Dustin talks to a friend on the phone about his gay porn.  He gets a little gay with his friend on the phone, and says he'll see him tomorrow.

Heather talks to Naomi about how she can't be Dustin's girlfriend anymore, and Naomi said she didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't feel bad.  Naomi is so real and to the point, I love her.

Dustin's brother and three of his friends come to visit the suite.  Cooke likes one of the friends named Josh(the one on the phone earlier), and she flirts accordingly.  They of course go out and drink and Cooke talks more with Heather.  They make it back to the room, and Josh and Cooke have a hot little sleepover.

Dustin comes back later and sees them snuggling in together, naked.  Dustin is all about judging on Cooke having a one night stand with his friend.  Shocker.

In the other room, Naomi and Leroy snuggle up and all of a sudden she's having some pain, and she's late on her period, and hey editors!  Build up to this!  Anyway, they go to the bathroom and Leroy asks "What would you do if you were pregnant?"  Naomi looks up and him, and says with the perfect amount of sarcasm "I'm gonna keep it and call it Little Lee."

Even though I'm older than them, I seriously want Mike and Naomi to get together and adopt me.  Best freaking parents ever.  Every day would be like an episode of Roseanne, I'd be so excited.

Leroy is flipping out, and he admits that they've had unprotected sex so it is partially his fault.  Naomi tells Nany and Heather the 411 because she has "no shame in her game," and she says she needs to go to the doctor.

Later Dustin asks Heather to go get him some beer...while he's in the shower.

In the shower.

I know, right?  That's a serious dedication to the booze!

Dustin decides to come totally clean with his friends in town, and they peruse the website with all of the penis pics.  He asks them advice about getting back with Heather, and they say nothing need to happen right now.

Naomi talks to the women's clinic over the phone, and after describing symptoms that honestly sounds like a UTI to me, they tell her to come in for STD testing.  Leroy is trying to play it cool, but he's already interviewed earlier that he's pretty much freaking out.

Naomi is in bed with Nany discussing the situation, and Naomi says she'd kill Leroy if she came back for STDs and being pregnant, but obviously it's her fault too.  Nany asks why Naomi isn't on BC, and Naomi says she doesn't know.  I hope you are on it now girl, it's awesome for other stuff too, looking into it!  Nany says the pull out method doesn't work, and I'm glad someone knows!

Leroy and Mike talk about it, and it's pretty much the same conversation, but from a guys POV.  Leroy's been having nightmares about it, and he's freaking out.

Heather comes home with champagne, and when Dustin asks why champagne, Heather answers "Because me and Nany are horny."  I'm sorry, what?  Unlike me Dustin hops onto that horny train and makes the jacuzzi nice and romantic for the girls.  Then the guys leave, and the girls get...drunk.  Nany takes a shot from Heather's belly button, and later they do some lesbian kissing.  Meanwhile the boys are talking and eating, Dustin whines about wanting Heather back.

The guys get back to the suite and everyone's jaw drops when Heather and Nany start making out.  Might I remind you of the whole "I could never be with a guy that touched another guy" rant Heather?  This double standard isn't cool!!!  Still love you, but really...practice what you preach.

Dustin is shocked, Mike is also shocked.  The guys leave them alone, and Nany drunk dials Adam, and they mess with him a little, then hang up...throw some covers over them in the phone area, and....welp, not sure, but Leroy saunters over and is determined to find out!  He looks under the sheet and says "I can't believe ya'll didn't include me in this shit!"  They move it into the bedroom and the rest of the roommates (sans Dustin) are agape with astonishment.

I think with that last sentence I just isolated the entire demographic they shoot for on the Real World.  Except for one.  Hi Sarah!

Later in the night Heather is feeling bad about what happened with her and Nany.  She goes and wakes Dustin up and tells him she feels bad about it.  Dustin, of course, interviews that they are now in the same boat together, and he's all excited.  Way to be supportive Dustin.  Heather feels like a lot of her actions were from being wronged by Dustin.  Dustin talks sweet to her, gets her to come back to his bed.  Dustin interviews that they are probably going to get back together now.  I swear the things he says sometimes...makes me feel like I'm speaking to my 6th grade boyfriend all over again.  All the same 6th grade logic seems to apply with him.

Naomi and Leroy are having some mis-communications, and to be fair Leroy is just at a loss for words I think.  Naomi goes to the clinic alone, and maybe I'm being an old lady here, but shouldn't Leroy be going with her for STD testing too? After the break, Results!  Naomi isn't pregnant, but she does have an STD, but the actual STD is unknown.

Dustin brings up what Heather thinks of the whole situation.  She asks what whole situation, and he says the situation between the two of them.  She says she can't turn off her attraction to him, and he's a big baby about how it's back and forth.  Heather realizes she needs to distance herself further from him, and Dustin pretends he's putting on his big boy pants and says they are definitely breaking up.

Cooke and Heather talk, and Cooke interviews that the whole Dustin and Heather thing bugs her.  She talks about it with Mike, and Mike says he thinks they are getting back together.  Cooke doesn't quite want to hear that.

Leroy calls Naomi into his room to talk.  He says he's sorry for the whole situation and that he didn't speak up sooner.  He confesses he's been losing sleep over it, and he was just scared about the whole situation.  They make up, but they are still worried about the STD situation.  Honestly I'm kinda hoping that the doctor at the clinic was a dumbass and she really does just have a bad UTI.

The doctor calls back, and it turns out it's just an va-jay-jay infection, and she's jubilant, and I'm totally with her.  She tells Leroy in the confessional and messes with him a little bit.  Mike, Dustin, and Leroy talk about different kinds of STDs and Dustin hilarious yells "they stick it up your pee-hole!" and I'll be damned if that isn't funnier than "everdom"

The roommates go ziplining, and apparently it's the world's2nd  fastest zipline, according to Dustin.  Leroy is scared.  Cooke interviews that she wants to "be there" for Dustin now that he and Heather are over.  No one dies a zipline death.

Dustin, Leroy, and Cooke decide to go to the Palms, and Cooke makes her move dancing with Dustin.  After the break they seem awfully close to kissing.  Leroy encourages it, and Dustin is tempted, and doesn't know what to do.  Oh wait, then he makes out with Cooke.  Looks like he wasn't all that conflicted.  Leroy promises to say nothing to the group.  Naomi calls that something is going on right away, and there is more flirting and hiding at the suite.  Cooke interviews that she feels like she's doing Heather a favor by taking him off her hands.

Yeah, and exactly zero girls are ever going to agree with you on that, including Heather.

Next week, Dustin whines about how it was bad to kiss Cooke, Cooke still wants to bang Dustin, Heather says Cooke has screws loose in her head, Heather apparently finds out about the kiss and says she has no respect for Dustin, and starts yelling in Cooke's face.  I can't wait for that shit!
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