Tuesday, August 31, 2010

True Beauty: Last Two Episodes

Wow am I late on this.  Seriously.  Twice my hubby has asked me "When can we erase this True Beauty off the DVR?"

Here it goes:

Amy and Michelle were on the chopping block, and after Amy's crazypants meltdown, she finally pulls ahead to save herself.  They toast the Fantastic Final Four.

A game of truth or dare leads to girl on girl tickling.  Craig gives everyone a strip show, which is sort of what he was doing the whole time, right?  But it loosens everyone up, they head to the pool.  Where there are copious amounts of booze waiting for them.  Which, none of them see as a bad omen.  No one.

They spring the challenge on them as soon as they get back from the pool: They have to deal blackjack.  Now.  So they hurry and get ready, and Amy is a big negative nancy right off the bat.  I don't actually blame her here though.  I've lived in Nevada my whole life, and I couldn't tell you what blackjack was about at all.  I would be so scared of this challenge.

The first hidden camera challenge is kind of a bogus challenge.  They are in an elevator with a seemingly pregnant lady smoking and drinking.  The challenge was to say something to the lady, which I think is so none of their business.  Anyone who is doing that, what difference would it make if you said something?

The second hidden camera challenge is an asshole pit boss overseeing the blackjack training.  All but Craig pass.  The fake pit boss really gets into being a jerk though.

The "Real" Challenge begins, and everyone messes up quite a bit.  Erika wins, and she's very emotional about it, because that means she's in the top 3.  Craig and Amy are in the bottom two.  Everybody hates Craig.  They bitch.

After the break the judges go over all the mistakes that Craig and Amy has made.  Craig is still looking mostly bad, and Amy just seems oblivious rather than mean.  Their last-minute challenge is a mom with a baby, and the mom is trying to get the stroller into the car.  Do they help?  Craig does, and Amy...sadly...doesn't.  She gets sent home, and Craig goes back to the room.


The problem with this seasons True Beauty, is that the real challenges...ARE the real challenges.  If someone was snowy white, but didn't win a challenge...they went home.  I just can't get behind that system.  The final 3 are Erika, Taylor, and Craig.  Taylor has been bland the whole time...Erika has been a big cheater...and Craig is the worst of all.  He goes around being a huge jerk all the time.

The challenge is showing around Steve-O.  In Vegas.  So that means they have a stupid Vegas night, filled with shenanigans.  I don't think anyone from Vegas quite understand how bananas one of these nights can be.  They usually end with you sleeping on the bathroom floor.

Sadly, after being awake for 24 hours, they are taken to the Venetian, where they are told to perform a Vegas commercial.  Which takes forever. They have an hour to memorize their scripts, and Erika suddenly loses her shit.  She's so tired, and she just lets go.  Honestly, I don't hate her for this.  I turn into a crazy person when I don't have enough sleep either.  Of course though, they are going to hold it against her.

Which reminds me, I really need to give up drinking.  More than one drink.

Hey, that's like being in AA for Vegas people.

Anyway, all of them do relatively well considering they are running on fumes.  They pass out in the room, all of them in the clothes they wore for the challenge.  Once they wake up and go to judging, the winner is Taylor...and Erika...and Craig.  I don't know about them, but I'd feel like crap about that.  I stayed up all night for you to consider it a three way tie?  Screw that.

They are given the keys to the control room, and the jig is finally up.  Taylor gets that this is the show...he's seen it.  The other two I don't think really get it, but they get that they just looked like idiots on national TV.

The final three get to see their faces on the marquee outside of Planet Hollywood, which is a big pick me up after their dreams being crushed.  It's a great shot of the strip, and it makes me long for the days when there weren't Hollywood Blvd rejects clogging up the traffic.

The final three are in the limo going to judging, which makes me wonder where exactly they hold the judging.  Wouldn't they just pick a room at the convention center and dress it up?  Why go to a whole other location?

Anyway, $100,000 cash and a picture in People magazine is all the cash and prizes they get.  Erika goes first, and gives a great plea.  Craig waxes poetic about competing at a "high level" whatever that means.  He actually gives back the vest, saying he's felt bad ever since he took it.  I personally think he dove into his laundry for it thinking it would be a great way to win.  Taylor gets called out for being a diva, and he talks about being a role model and says he has no excuse for what he's done.  It's not poetic, but it's direct and to the point.

Last commercial break ever!  And third place goes to Craig, which shocks the hell out of me, because I thought that gesture was so grand it would blow over the judges.  But, I'm also a little happy an American will win the mythical "Face of Vegas" fame.

Taylor.  Vanilla Taylor actually takes the whole thing.  I never saw it coming, and neither did he from the look on his face.  Erika takes it like a man, and that's the end of the show.

Took forever, didn't it?
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